'When things blew up, you still kept your silence': Brother sends a bouquet of flowers to his struggling sister, her husband blows up at her thinking she's having an affair

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 9, 2024 1:00 PM EST

A surprise gesture can mean the world to someone. If you're having a rough time, you might think that no one knows what you're going through, let alone cares. You might feel isolated and alone like the only person who truly has your back is you. But if a friend suddenly comes through in an unexpected way, it can flip that whole perspective. This is why we should always check in on each other. You can never be sure how much a nice gesture can mean to someone. 

But what happens when that person takes the gesture the wrong way? Or worse, what if their significant other takes the gesture incorrectly? That's what happened in this story when a brother's good-hearted gesture caused strife in his sister's marriage. But commenters were split on who was to blame for the misunderstanding. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10438449920
    via Unsplash+ (Sandra Seitamaa)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITAH for sending my sister flowers anonymously and making her husband upset?
    via u/The-Ka-the-ba-and-Ra
  • 03
    I (M, 37) have always been close to my sister (F, 35). We talk regularly, and during one such conversation, she told me she's been feeling really depressed / overwhelmed lately. As we were talking, I could tell she was holding back tears. So I decided to do something nice for her. I contacted a local florist and put in an order for some flowers. I had them delivered to my sister's place of employment with a note reading "Thinking of you."
    via u/The-Ka-the-ba-and-Ra
  • 04
    A few hours later, the florist called me up and told me a man has been calling them non-stop and demanding they tell him who sent his wife flowers. They tried to explain that it was against their policy to reveal that information, but the man wouldn't talk no for an answer. Apparently he became so aggressive and threatening over the phone, the shop called me up and asked my permission to reveal the name of the sender to the man. The man being my brother-in-law.
    via u/The-Ka-the-ba-and-Ra
  • 05
    It turns out, my sister had called her husband and thanked him for the flowers. He told her he hadn't sent any flowers and accused her of having an affair. He believed her affair partner had sent them to her, which is why he called the florist like a lunatic, demanding names. Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she's been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since. My friends think I should've included my name on the card. Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would've never happened
    via u/The-Ka-the-ba-and-Ra
  • 06
    Edit / Update: Oops! I totally forgot to explain that I gave the florist permission to tell my brother-in-law it was me. So he knows, my sister knows, everyone knows at this point. Sorry for the confusion!
    via u/The-Ka-the-ba-and-Ra
  • 07
    Worth-Season3645 • 23h ago ESH... So, I am not sure how anyone thinks sending anonymous flowers to a married woman would end up well. You are 37. Old enough to know better. Sister thinks husband did a nice thing for her, turns out husband did not. Who did?!
    via u/Worth-Season3645
  • 08
    Why did you not sign the card?! Have you told them it was you? Husband is an all around j for flying off the handle right away. Why assume wife/sister is having an affair right off the bat? I have a feeling sister is depressed because of him.
    via u/Worth-Season3645
  • 09
    Usrname52 · 23h ago. • Even if husband gently/kindly said it wasn't him....where does that leave her? Calling everyone she knows, not knowing who sent them? Begging the florist to tell her so she can say thank you? Eventually calling you to vent about how she got these flowers and she doesn't know from whom so that you can be like "Surprise, I I am the best!"
    via u/Usrname52
  • 10
    Maybe she would feel like it was a stalker/someone with a crush on her, and feel really uncomfortable. I'm assuming you know your BIL and this isn't 100% out of character. But, even if he isn't usually prone to rage, most people would at least feel comfortable/somewhat suspicious.
    via u/Usrname52
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    4th... . 23h ago Edited 23h ago • My friends think I should've included my name on the card. Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would've never happened You set the stage, and this is the fallout.
    via u/4th_chakra
  • 12
    If you wanted to give an emotionally uplifting bouquet..great! But why didn't you tell her it was from you? Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she's been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since And when things blew up, you still kept your silence, and watched Rome burn. YTA
    via u/4th_chakra
  • 13
    evildore 22h ago. • ESH It's obvious why BIL is an a, so I won't even get into that. As others have said, you should have known this could cause strife in your sister's marriage, even if you didn't know the degree to which your BIL would pop off. However, I want to point out, how you set your sister up. She has been depressed lately and got flowers with a sweet note,
    via u/evildore
  • 14
    "Thinking of you." She was probably excited to have received such a sweet gesture from who she thought was her husband. Can you imagine how gutted she must have felt when he told her they weren't from him? And now she's gone from happy/excited to have gotten flowers to being yelled at and accused of cheating from her AH husband. You
    via u/evildore
  • 15
    probably meant well (but honestly should have known better), but you set your sister up and she's probably more depressed now than she was before you did anything. That's also a creepy note to include anonymously.
    via u/evildore
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    • Optimal-Bag-5918 22h ago • I am confused why you didn't just put your name? Like is it a weird secret you sent your sister flowers? Not saying the husband's response was 100% appropriate but you made a sweet gesture into a weird drama because you weirdly and anonymously sent her flowers with "thinking of you"? Just send a "Hey sis... here are some flowers because I have been thinking of you" and go about your day ahah
    via u/Optimal-Bag-5918
  • 17
    Usrname52 23h ago. ESH You are being willfully ignorant if you think that the assumption wouldn't have been her partner. For her, and for everyone in her office. There were definitely people saying to her "Aww, your husband is so sweet," etc. If she knew, she could have just said "Yea, he is, but these are actually from my loving brother." But she's stuck thinking "I have no idea who the f sent these to me."
    via u/Usrname52
  • 18
    Of course her husband is going to be caught off guard by it, and as random flowers are often considered romantic, upset. And she is going to have no response. Husband is the AH for raging at the florist.
    via u/Usrname52
  • 19
    StruansNobleHouse 23h ago • It's close to being E.SH, but falls into YTA territory because flowers from an unknown person saying, "thinking of you," is definitely suspicious. You can easily rectify the situation, but are sitting on reddit asking for how to rectify the situation.
    via u/StruansNobleHouse
  • 20
    overburnz1982 22h ago . • YTA so you send a married woman flowers with a card saying "thinking of you" with no name, what would be your reaction if it was your wife receiving them?! Just come clean and solve the mess you created! How old are you 5? Unless you are in love with your sister and secretly want your brother in law out of the picture! Where are you from? Alabama?
    via u/overburnz1982
  • 21
    WerewolfParking4355 19h ago . You're not the a h le. Your intention was kind and thoughtful. It was your brother-in-law's insecurity and overreaction that caused the problem. Including your name on the card might have prevented the initial misunderstanding, but it wouldn't have stopped his aggressive behavior.
    via u/WerewolfParking4355
  • 22
    It's unfortunate that your sister is caught in the middle of this. Perhaps you could offer her support and comfort during this difficult time. Maybe even have a conversation with your brother-in- law to try to calm him down and explain the situation. Remember, your intention was pure, and you shouldn't feel guilty for trying to do something nice for your sister.
    via u/WerewolfParking4355
  • 23
    Remarkable_Dust34... 23h ago • YTA (Really YT Idiot) • Sending flowers to your sister was always going to have that reaction. Would you be good with guys sending your wife/gf flowers anonymously? This is why you include a name. Otherwise its always questions of who is sending them and why, He will think its an affair, she will think its some creep/stalker. Either way bad idea.
    via u/Remarkable_Dust3450
  • 24
    • Lun... • 23h ago Edited 23h ago . ESH but your sister! You should have put your name on it, and when you found out about the commotion YOU CAUSED, should have cleared things up! BIL needs Anger Management and therapy ETA: when you point blame at another liek you are with your BIL, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.
    via u/Lunar-Eclipse0204
  • 25
    Whosker72 22h ago. Yes, yes you are. The unintended consequences were a result of you not identifying yourself as the sender, believing the wife to have received them from her husband, which in turn caused his confusion, and then the accusations of infidelity. This is 100% on you. Take ownership and tell the both of them you sent the flowers and why.
    via u/Whosker72

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